When you say "I'm bored"...

When you say "I'm bored" sweet child... take a moment to open your eyes. Let your mind stretch and dream. And your arms and legs and ten little toes, too.  Don't you settle for pixels and images and controllers and screens that flash only a moment and leave no lasting mark.  You were made for so much more. You were designed to enjoy God's good gifts. To fly!
So when you say "I'm bored" around here...I've got a few ideas for you :)  Pick one. Or two. Or maybe you have your own list. Your dad and I...we know how fast these years go. We know you'll have responsibilities that increase with each passing year.  So go ahead! Play! Explore! Swim wild and free in the joy of being a child...His child.

I love you with a crazy kind of mommy love, dear one...

now...off you GO! :)

When you say "I'm bored"...
Do a puzzle
Build a snowman
Build a snow fort
Rake leaves and jump in them
Pick a bouquet of flowers
Play in the sandbox
Swing
Make up an obstacle course
Go on an explore
Play Frisbee golf
Paint a picture
Hammer nails in wood
Draw a portrait
Sculpt with play-doh
Catch bugs and butterflies
Draw with sidewalk chalk
Make up a story
Put on a show
Play restaurant
Race cars on a track
Build with legos
Make a contraption
Feel the wind in your face and listen to the breeze
Run a lap around the cul-de-sac
Practice your sports skills
Blow bubbles
Play a musical instrument
Make up a song
Dress up in a silly costume
Read a book
Flip through a magazine
Look at old pictures
Make someone a gift
Write a letter to someone
Take a nap
Call a friend or family member
Bake cookies
Decorate the house
Plan a party
Sip hot chocolate and snuggle in a blanket
Do a lemonade stand
Raise money for others in need
Write our Compassion sponsored child
Write a letter to a missionary
Pray
Plan a cultural day for our family
Learn words in another language
Exercise for fun
Dance to music
Make up a game
Play cards
Play a board game
Laugh just for fun
Give someone a hug
Ask Mom or Dad how you can help
Serve someone else in need
Memorize a Bible verse
Clean your room to music
Clean the house to music
Wash the car
Practice silly faces in the mirror
Take pictures of everyday life
Make a craft with household items
Look up at the sky and watch the clouds
Build an indoor fort
Make a card for someone you appreciate
Daydream
Play make-believe
Record a video
Build a block city with a train going through it
Have a nerf gun war
Write a poem or your own psalm
Have a Lincoln Log Army fort war
Take a bubble bath
Make up a scavenger hunt
Count your blessings

He doesn't remember...

I'm struck today with how much my God has forgotten when there is so much to remember.  

I am Israel at heart.  I have boasted and depended on my own strength. I have neglected orphans, widows, and the oppressed in exchange for my own comfort and self-prosperity.  I have bought into deceit and have allowed it to delude my thoughts and actions.  I have wandered from the God who brought me up out of the land of slavery and rebelliously declared myself The Queen.  I have prostituted myself to shameful idols and worshiped them using my Father's good gifts. I have neglected to tear down the high places with sloppy and apathetic holy living.  I have been half-hearted and unfaithful to my God, often sowing the wind and reaping the whirlwind. (Hosea 8:7)

Oh...you're not that bad, you say? I mean Israel was really wicked.

Ahhh...yes.  You're right.  I haven't exactly killed anyone. But I have murdered with my thoughts and slain with my tongue. I have donned malice and anger and rage and envy.  I've clothed myself with compassion and kindness and at the same time slung the backpack of pride over my shoulder.

So when God says He will remember Israel and Judah's wickedness and punish them for their sins (Hosea 8:13 & 9:9) ... And that destruction and exile is imminent. That "their heart is deceitful and now they must bear their guilt." (10:2)...when I read that...I have no words.  Because that should be me...

But it's not.  There is no spiritual exile for me around the corner.  I have no guilt to bear.  And what gets me today the most is that He doesn't even remember.  He has chosen to completely forget...like Clorox on a stain. Like an eraser on a whiteboard.  Like a legal criminal record pardoned, deleted and shredded as if it never happened.

That is some crazy powerful blood of Jesus Christ to be able to shower that kind of righteousness on me. That when He says "For I am God, and not man - the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath." (Hosea 11;9) That's true for us on this side of the cross because His compassion was aroused (Hosea 11:8) and because what He does remember is how much He has loved us from eternity.  And He has remembered that He is a God who is both altogether holy and abounding in lovingkindness and faithfulness forever.  And He remembers and we remember Jesus Christ and the cross that both satisfied His justified wrath and showcased His unconditional love and mercy for all the world.  And we remember the empty tomb that offers us the real hope of returning to Him and wholeheartedly walking with Him in this life and the next.(Hosea 14:1)

So, Father, thank you. Thank you for putting your Son in the line of fire for me. That He undeservedly received the fullness of your wrath, that was well-deserved by me.  There was no sin to "remember" in Him.  And now you remember no sin in me.  So let me continually call it to mind, Lord.  All that you are.  All that you have done.  All that you promise to do. And let me remember the amazing truth that my sins and lawless deeds you remember no more.

Hebrews 10:12-18

"But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, 13 waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. 14 For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.

15 And the Holy Spirit also bears witness to us; for after saying,

16  “This is the covenant that I will make with them

after those days, declares the Lord:

I will put my laws on their hearts,

and write them on their minds,”

17 then he adds,

“I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.”

18 Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin."

Walking on the Deep

The worship team played the first stanzas and I recognized the song. It's was that new trendy one our local radio station had been playing what seemed like every five minutes of the day. Oceans by Hillsong United. But for some reason instead of checking out and just going through the motions, I thought to myself, "Shawna, just open your eyes and try singing these words fresh.  Maybe it will be like you've never heard them before. Be teachable." *sigh*...so I got over myself. And there...waiting on the other side was God's Spirit ready to speak. It was like He skillfully took a brush and began painting that song across the canvas of my mind in beautiful vivid wild color. I stood there, eyes closed, watching The Artist at work.

I've been so vulnerable and just...plain...tired...the past few weeks. It's the constant opposition that just wears me down.  The quarreling kiddos, the defiant preschooler, all the brokenness from adoption and the constant barking at myself that I just can't seem to get it right.  This blessed Chinese student living under our roof and all the unseen battles taking place just in that alone.  The headlines that tell of the rumblings and shakings of this dark world and the evil that has infected it. My neighbors that need Jesus. I feel it all and I am overwhelmed and exhausted.  I have swallowed Grace and Gospel these past couple years like a babe drinks newborn milk...and I ask, "How does this all flesh out? What are the outward markings of this internal taking?"

Surrounded by a sea of voices all sounding as one, we sing, "You call me out upon the waters; the great unknown where feet may fail...". I see my own frail 5'1" windblown figure. My cheeks are tear-stained but you can't tell because of the drenching of sea spray. I'm battered, blown and tossed by waves of affliction, oppression, opposition, and brokenness...yet still somehow walking on top of it all. Not sinking or even treading water. Walking.  And filling up most of the canvas, so much larger and full of life than even I, is the figure of my Shepherd King, the Captain of my soul. He is standing steady, unflinching at the storm, calling out to deeper waters, eyes full of compassion and understanding.  His voice is not at all like the voice I hear constant in my head "Shawna, can't you pick up your feet and walk a little faster? Hellooo?! I'm waiting for you to get it together so we can get on with this mission. You should be stronger by now since we've already walked so far. We can't even see the blasted shoreline anymore." ...No. Not at all like that. In fact the Voice that could command those waves of affliction to cease in a moment is completely invitational, patient and kind.  "Shawna, Look up at me. I've got this. I'm in control of every tossing wave of this sea. Every water molecule moves at my command. These waters exist for me. And Shawna...I've got you.  You exist for me, too.  Come on, dear one. Take my hand. Trust me. Put your eyes on me and take them off these waves." His hand is permanently outstretched in this painted vision and He's somehow able to both gaze onward, charting the path ahead while at the same time keeping His eyes locked on me.

I realize that all of these waves of opposition surrounding me are of the deep. They are swelling up from the abyss, the chaos of this world that has been unraveling since the Fall.  The sufferings I experience in my own life, while not to be compared to the mother who has lost her daughter to trafficking or a family in Syria that has evacuated their home in the dead of night, these sufferings are nonetheless still of the abyss. They are all of the same derivative. They all have the familiar stench of hell.  And we groan and know that things are not as they are supposed to be, but our King reigns over it all. His redemptive work is unstoppable and He is on the move. These waves will be quieted one day once and for all and not one...not one...will rise up again to batter the faithful saints.  Until then, we groan together.  But we do not lose hope.

With every gush of wind and slamming of the waves I can feel my sea legs gaining strength beneath me.  And it is faith that makes a woman strong.  Oh I will fall again. I will gasp for breath and reach out my hand for Jesus to save me...probably even before I finish this blog post. But I know He is there. I know He is Lord of the waves and of my soul. Calling me to keep trusting and to just keep walking.

So I ask, "How do I take this portrait of Wind and Waves and Savior and Child and flesh it out into the mundane? How do I live this reality in the middle of the chaos when the afflictions are not just water on imagined canvas, but the actual faces and voices of my own flesh and blood, broken relationships with people I love, real events happening now and the repetitive sins of my own heart?"  I picture them rising up against me, raging all around.  And when my eyes are not fixed on Jesus and I'm not clinging to His hand, when I'm not listening or His voice...It's then I find I'm instead busying myself with wiping constant water from my face. I'm trying to tell my legs and feet to stand up, or I'm bracing myself for another wave assault. I'm angrily yelling at the waves to be still and quiet down! Just stop! I fight rage with rage. Brokenness with brokenness and it's a futile effort making me all the more weary and worn down to the brink of emotional exhaustion.  I do not have within me the power to silence the opposition. But there is One sovereign. And He is here with me in the midst. And at His good pleasure and out of His infinite wisdom He will silence...or not. But either way, He is here with me, loving me, and I have all I need to walk out on the Deep...all of His strength, peace, hope, joy, wisdom, life, faith, grace and love coursing through my veins as I grab hold of His outstretched hand over and over again.

When I take each singular wave and look behind to the thing it represents (a tantrum, a quarrel, misunderstanding, hurtful words, loneliness, loss, wreckage, blatant inhumanity) I picture that in the middle of whatever circumstance I'm in that seems to me overwhelming and oppositional, His hand is outstretched and waiting steady. "Will you look at me and trust me in this moment? I am sovereign over it all, commanding and working through these tossing waves of affliction according to my will...for my glory and for ultimate good. Shawna, will you take my hand?"

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Drawn in

Spring has sprung.
And every day I keep watch as buds unfurl and a new flower blooms, the leaves offer full shade now, the sky screams blue, a chorus of birds wakes me in early morning light and grass hugs the bare toes, the laughter of children echoes across yards and fences, a breeze filled with the fragrance of lilac catches me by surprise and I just have to smile.

And from my list of indoor to-dos I can't wait to step outside! I keep walking to the windows, making sure all are stretched wide open. I find myself gazing at the trees...just sitting and gazing on the back deck getting lost in thought.  I find myself drawn to just take it all in...this beauty of the Season.  It truly beckons a soul, doesn't it?  Like a child, asking over and again to come and play...Won't you come and play with me?

And as I sit down to begin thinking and praying through this next study on John 15...where we will sit and meditate and dance with the Almighty this month of June...I am feeling the same draw and hearing the same call.  For we are drawn to beautiful things. We are created for beautiful things. And our God is all things beautiful. And His Word is the window through which we peer into His soul.  Glimpses of the One who dwells in unapproachable light and in His throne room filled with colors the eye has never seen.

We're drawn to the beauty of Creation because it's the work of His hands and He is beautiful.  We're beckoned to His Word because He has set eternity in our hearts and we long to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to know this Beauty.

When I think of John 15...the last bread and wine with His closest of friends. The last words. The last meaningful glances and embraces before He offers Himself in unabandoned sacrificial love...The beauty of this draws me. The beauty of this Call and Promise of this abiding relationship laid out for all His friends here in these words.

And am I allowing myself to become drawn in?

Do I take the time to notice and reflect upon the beauty of Jesus Christ...the living Word?  Do I hear Him beckoning? Calling? Holding out a hand to come and learn the dance of abiding...of me in Him and Him in me.  Because it's beautiful.  Just. beautiful.

As the Spring turns to Summer and whispers "come and play"... tune the ears of your heart to the call of the Shepherd and your eyes to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord in His Word.  Let the pages captivate you with the exquisite beauty of His life and love. Don't stay indoors. Get out...and run free!


One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.  Psalm 27:4


No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up on the last day.  John 6:44


Shawna

Little by Little...

Exodus 23:29-30 "I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the wild beasts multiply against you. Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased and possess the land."

Can't you just picture them standing before the mountain of God? Those Israelites all covered in desert dust, staring up at their covenant-making God in a consuming fire, still shaking their heads over what He had done. He had actually delivered them from Egypt! I bet they just stood there unable to speak, letting it all sink in that the promises to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were not forgotten! And that He was going to fulfill those promises now! To them! How exhilarating that must have been. I imagine they were ready to seize the day! Take the land! Forget Egypt and bring on the milk and honey! Oh, those tasty promises of God at their fingertips. Surely they'll be settled any day now. Their God will drive out and blot out all those godless Amorites, Hittites, and the string of other "ites" before their very eyes. Start packing your bags, twelve tribes, because God's Promise Train is about to leave Sinai and cross the Jordan!

But oh...wait...what was that God spoke to you, Moses? Not in one year? Ummm...what exactly does He mean when He says "little by little?"
But why?
We're ready aren't we?
I mean we're your covenant people aren't we? Your bride? We're just wandering in this waterless, shadeless, hot, stifling desert...in tents.
This isn't supposed to be our stopping place. We had it better in Egypt, you know.

Ahhh...so my own heart. So restless with the ways of God when they have to do with dreams and promises unfulfilled.  But He knows. He knows, beloved. He knows what we can handle. He knows the good the desert does for us. And while we certainly have already been granted every spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus, His plans for us are still unfolding in His time and in His way. Our moments and our days belong to Him.

So often I don't understand why the opposition when it seems my desire is for something so good. Why not a full unleashing? I can get so frustrated and discontent. Why not doors of ministry flung wide open, a healed and fully bonded relationship with my adopted son, opportunities to move into lives and see dreams He's laid on my heart realized? Why not all the promises opened wide by His Hand now?

Because He knows my heart. He knows this world. He knows the Full Story He has already written. Because sometimes if we were to come upon promises fulfilled in haste our land could become desolate and wild beasts multiply against us. He is protecting us from ourselves and from this world.

What a marvelous and loving Father! What He wants is my heart and your heart and a quiet trust that He alone is enough. Moses never crossed into the promised land. But the glory of the Lord passed by him on that mountain and He spoke to the Sovereign Lord friend to friend in that desert...so much that His face glowed.

So in the waiting...in the unknowing...in the desert...is He enough? Do you trust what He's doing in your life?

Yes, we wait for our promised land. We wait for dreams we share with Him and promises He's given us to be fulfilled here on this earth. And even more so should we set our hearts on dreams of Heaven!

Proverbs says "Many are the plans of a man's heart, but the LORD directs His steps."

Sister, we can rest in the waiting. He knows what He's doing. We see so small. He sees so big. Don't miss the lessons in the desert that will give you seeds to sow and roots to grow deep when the time comes to experience dreams and promises realized.

Our God is for us and He is working all things together for His glory and our great joy in Him.

Bon Voyage, Beloved!

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths." Prov 3:5-6