Pathways

It's funny the revelations that come in the laundry room.  Maybe it's the whoosh of the washer and hum of the dryer that drown out other thoughts.  Maybe it's the monotony of sorting and folding - I don't know...but sometimes I feel like the Light just flicks on and I See something new and afresh.  Like the smell of my son's clean socks that were repulsive only one hour before :)  I have been found dropped to my knees in a pile of clothes either begging for grace to make it through the day or just plain full of thanks and praise for the joy of His revelation in that laundry sanctuary.

So...the most recent "aha" was when Caleb was playing next to me and I thought "I wonder at what point he will come to me or choose me over the memory of his former foster mother?  I mean, if the two of us were standing side by side, at what point would he choose me, his real mother, over his foster one?"  I didn't get any kind of revelation on when that might be - rather - it doesn't matter when as much as it matters how.  I remembered how Israel longed for Egypt after being delivered by their Covenant-Remembering God.  He heard their cries. He did not forget!  And yet, the people longed for the "comforts" of Egypt when the going got tough in the desert.   Or I thought of how so often I choose things of this world to satisfy my deep longings when the God of steadfast love and mercy offers the abundance of all His beautiful Self.  And then I thought of how this world never won me over with grace, love, mercy or anything else.  It's been an empty shell of a thing.  Disappointing every time.  But my God...my God has pursued me and won me over by His kindness, which led (and leads me still) to repentance, surrender and determined faith.  So I must let His Spirit in me do the same with Caleb.  I must win him over with grace and unconditional love.  I must pursue him, remain open to him, be a constant in his little life.  I must prove my steadfast love for him day after day after day.  My brilliant, wise and incredibly gracious sister-in-law Chrissy gave me this analogy when I told her how difficult it was that Caleb was just so emotionally stone cold towards me. She said it reminded her of a stone path worn away by years and years of treading upon by travelers.  Over time, the face of the stone changes.  It becomes smooth and strong and eventually reveals the Way.  She added to it by saying you could also use a chisel to change the face of the stone...it would be must quicker.  But it would actually harm the stone, causing cracks, crevices and breaking off pieces that would altogether deteriorate the stone over time, instead of allowing it to become a beautiful path leading the way.  I love that.  I love the perspective it brings of our lifelong commitment to love God and man.  We just need to walk.  We don't need to pound one another.  Leave the hammer to the one who nailed His son to a cross.  He already took the pounding.  This means we can give ourselves grace to focus not on perfection, just on taking the next step.  The stone paths in our lives won't become smooth by Sunday.  With bonding and attachment in adoption, people often say it's a lifelong process.  But isn't that the case in our own Adoption as sons and daughters of the Most High?  Don't we spend a lifetime bonding with our Father?  A lifetime learning to trust Him?  And again and again He remembers His covenant to us.  Despite our cries for Egypt, clinging to our old foster parents, the shell of this world, He remembers and wins us over with his mercy, grace and lovingkindness. Like the picture of Hosea and his wife in ch. 3 of his book.  Again and again, he walked with her and received her.  He won her over.  Who else do I need to win over with grace?  Do you have any stone pathways in your life, too?  He will do it through us, friend.  Let's just put one foot in front of the other and trust and obey.