So this week's a little personal. I've both seen and felt it in my marriage and mothering this past month like a splinter in your finger that you just need to get out. Unforgivess can kill a soul. I'm sure you've witnessed it or experienced it too...it eats away at a life until there's nothing left but a shell of a human being. Irrational. Blinded and unable to see anything because their entire field of vision is like a mirror reflecting themselves. Motivated by self-defense, self-justification, self-exaltation, self-appeasement, self-preservation...it's a slow, slow death that leaves a trail of carnage behind. All because of unforgiveness?! Whoa, y'all...that's serious.
It's easy to apply lessons of forgiveness to our marriages because it seems we get to practice it with every hourly gong of the clock (at least I do!) But my kids? I don't really think about living in forgiveness with my kids as much. And yet Paul here is talking about forgiveness amongst the Corinthian church and forgiveness in his own heart towards members of the church. Important enough to fill most of the second chapter. Jesus includes in the Sermon on the Mount and makes it a primary lesson for his disciples more than once. I've heard someone say you're never more Christlike than when you forgive. Jesus...teaching forgiveness by modeling forgiveness. And so must I with my own little disciples.
Here are some thoughts on the passage...
Verse 5 - my kids can cause me some sorrow, ladies. Last night I up and left storytime during the last chapter of The Boxcar Children because I was overcome with both frustration and sorrow that they couldn't stop fighting over who was sitting in the most comfy spot. My goodness....sorrow in this mama's heart!! Yet these Truth Words rolled through my mind...Verses 6-11...I went back in. We didn't finish Boxcar last night, but I held them, comforted them, prayed with them, was real with them about my own need for grace. I forgave them. They went to sleep comforted and at peace. We moved on and we'll read Boxcar this morning. I didn't handle everything all that well either - I need forgiveness, too. But these points below were helpful stepping stones.
1) Is the discipline/punishment sufficient? Then that's enough. Don't let it go on and on in the name of "Teaching them a lesson" (I might tend toward a bit of drama in these situations...and that's probably not what this text is allowing here) We are careful that they not become overwhelmed by excessive sorrow under crushing discipline or an unforgiving Mommy's spirit. Paul is talking about adults here, but even moreso we must remember the tender hearts of the little sheep entrusted to us as their "under shepherds" to the Great Shepherd.
2) When the discipline ends, forgiveness and comfort move in. Here's the challenge for me. When my kids have caused my heart sorrow, I must totally forgive with an open heart and not carry it with me or against them throughout the day. I must take practical, real steps to both speak and show forgiveness and comfort and reaffirm my love for them (vs 8). What might this look like? Words..."I forgive you. I love you. Mommy needs grace, too". Actions...a hug or maybe some kind of act of serving them to show them how special they are. The Word & prayer...bringing it back to scripture and reaffirming God's love for them as well as my own. Gratitude...speak thanks out loud. Count the blessings. Restore the joy.
3) Leave no room for Satan. He is not welcome in this house. And I best not leave the door open for him to squeeze his slimy self or unwanted helpers in through the crack. Bitterness, anger and unforgiveness give Satan an advantage. (vs 11 & Eph 4:26-27) Forgiveness is the "Keep Out - Beware Pit Bull!" sign and the lock on the door.
4) Vs 12-13 - Paul's graciously explaining himself to the Corinthians. We don't have to explain ourselves, but sometimes it just helps with the kiddos. Paul just uses two verses. Taking time for a simple explanation can speak volumes.
Now a splinter deep in the finger (Unforgiveness) throbs with pain. And getting it out (Forgiveness) isn't painless either. Sometimes we'd rather it just stay in there because we know what taking it out entails. My poor little guy got a splinter in his wrist a couple summers ago and we actually had to take him to an orthopedic hand surgeon and undergo full blown surgery to get it out! Some unforgiveness requires an operating table. But there is hope in the death of self. There is hope for my unforgiving heart. Verses 14-17...God is leading us in a processional, with Christ as the Victor. We follow behind as His captives - free and fragrant. We are surrendered to the Victor and parading the streets behind him with the sweet smell of our lives of forgiveness and self-sacrifice in the name of Christ wafting upward and outward. Think of the sacrificial altar in the Old Testament. Smoke from the burnt offerings rising up to the heavens. Think of a victory parade in ancient Rome...We follow Christ! The Victor!! The fragrance is from our death - but how sweet it is to God the Father and those who are being saved...our kids. The World may sniff and say "That's what forgiveness smells like? no thanks." But we forgive, forget, love open, love hard, love real and keep on being fragrant. Thanks be to God!
So I'm walking step by step this week. Asking the Spirit to check my forgiveness-meter. Praying I have the strength, power and grace in Christ to forgive my kids wholeheartedly and continually. Remembering my Lord forgiving his murderers while hung on a cross. Praying I forgive myself. Praying I live in the forgiveness of Christ my King. One of my favorite teachings of Jesus on forgiveness is in Luke 7:36-50. Check it out :)
My son is a Tobymac fan. Every now and then I get to sing along to this song in the background:
Forgiveness: Tobymac and Lecrae
And we all stepped across that line
But nothing's sweeter than the day we find
We find...
It's hanging over him like the clouds of Seattle
And raining on his swag, falling deeper in the saddle
It's written on his face, he don't have to speak a sound
Somebody call the 5-0, we've got a man down
Now you can go and play it like your all rock 'n' roll
And guilt does a job on each and every man's soul
And when your head hits the pillow with the night fall
You can bet your life that it's gonna be a fight y'all
'Cause we all make mistakes sometimes
And we've all stepped across that line
But nothing's sweeter than the day we find
Forgiveness, forgiveness
And we all stumble and we fall
Bridges burn in the heat of it all
But nothing's sweeter than the day we call
We call
Out for forgiveness
We all need, we all need
We all need forgiveness
We all need, we all need
Mister Lecrae
My mama told me what I would be in for
If I keep all this anger inside me pint up
My heart's been broken, my wounds been open
And I don't know if I can hear "I'm sorry" been spoken
But those forgiving much should be quicker to give it
And God forgave me for it all, Jesus bleed forgiveness
So when the stones fly and they aimed at you
Just say "forgive 'em Father, they know not what they do"
Now you can go and play it like your all rock 'n' roll
And guilt does a job on each and every man's soul
And when your head hits the pillow with the night fall
You can bet your life that it's gonna be a fight y'all
'Cause we all make mistakes sometimes
And we've all stepped across that line
But nothing's sweeter than the day we find
Forgiveness, forgiveness
And we all step on it and fall
Bridges burn in the heat it all
But nothing's sweeter than the day
Sweeter than the day we call
Out for forgiveness
You know we need that that that
You know we need that that that
You know we need that that that
No matter how lost you are
You're not that far, you're not too far (from forgiveness)
No matter how hurt you are
You're not that far, you're not too far (from forgiveness)
And no matter how wrong you are
You're not that far, you're not too far (from forgiveness)
And no matter who you are
You're not that far, you're not too far (from forgiveness)
Ask for forgiveness
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